Friday, 18 August 2017

Changes in my life

You may have noticed that I've gone off the grid for a while. This is definitely not for a lack of trying or being sapped of creative energy - rather, a few "challenges" I've had recently (bear with me here!). 

Social media is meant to be a platform for communication and collaboration but recently, it feels like every time I scroll through my feed, people are celebrating all the wonderful things going on for them. Trust me, it's not shaking my bones and I'm not the jealous type, but it makes you...hesitant... to write up a real, raw and truthful post. It's time to take a hit and reveal what's really been going on in my life. 

Some of my followers may have heard the exciting news that I have skipped ship from a fun and energetic Agency career and dipped my toes into the professional Corporate world. I couldn't be happier for the challenge, and the opportunities that have presented themselves over the last few years. It feels like this is what I have been building up to - a culmination of life experiences that land me smack in the middle of corporate utopia in my middle twenties. I didn't realise how scared of change I was until I was faced with it. Having to change my travelling patterns, swap out my entire wardrobe of workwear (no more sandals and summer dresses to the office) and facing my irrational fears like the chance that I would get hungry at work (I have a food addiction) and not know where to get a snack (yes, irrational I know). It meant a lot of unnerving stress. Stress about the unknown, whether I was "good enough", had I made the right decision. It was overwhelming and, as I have learnt now - completely unnecessary. 

Two weeks into my new job, I fell ill with a serious case of Influenza A. I went to bed with a slight cough and woke up the next morning with severe muscular pains, a chest on fire and a fever through the roof. Uncontrollable nausea and a general air of "I'm going to die". I was admitted into hospital that morning and spent a few days in a cold, sterile ward. It's during this time that I had to face more irrational fears (you can tell by now that I don't do well with any form of stress) like needles, washing my hair with a drip attached to my vein, spending a whole weekend without my husband (we're basically inseparable when we're at home together) and overcoming the incessant bouts of nausea and feeling ever so sorry for myself. The night before I could be discharged from hospital, my Doctor let me know that if I could go the night without a spike in my fever, I would be free to go home the next morning. Home to my own bed, wardrobe and bathroom - I wanted OUT! I was dosed with medication, happy with spending one more night and freedom was just a few hours from my fingertips. I could almost feel it. 

At midnight, I was overcome with cold. Shivering in my bed, squirming under the sheets trying to get warm - this torture lasted two hours. I refused to ring the bell to alert the nurses, telling myself that I needed to last the night without a fever to go home. I was adamant I could fight it on my own, that I would fall asleep "soon" and it would be morning. After finally coming to terms with the fact that the fever wouldn't break on its own, that I needed help and perhaps one more day in hospital wouldn't kill me - I called for the nurses. They were kind, inserted  new medication into the intravenous drip and let me sleep. Before drifting off, I remember thinking, why did I spend hours suffering when help was literally a single bell away. The next morning, I was discharged anyway and made it to attend Trevor Noah's comedy show at the Durban ICC (more about that later). You could say - it all worked out in the end. 

Perhaps if there's anything I learned over the last two weeks:

- Stop stressing over things that you have no control over. 
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's almost impossible to feel positive when all you're perpetuating is a cloud of negativity. 
- Ask for help - the consequences be damned. 
- Family over everything - I couldn't have done this without my husband and parents by my side. They're my emotional strength, my care givers and my greatest supporters. I owe them all a lunch or two. 

Right now, I'm in a positive & happy space. I'm ready to challenge myself creatively and share a little more - the negatives AND the positives. You'll be hearing a lot more from me, that's for sure. 

Yo Homi 

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